


Enterprise Mayhem

by fujoshi_girl



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Out of Character, Possibly NOT Into Darkness Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 06:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujoshi_girl/pseuds/fujoshi_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keenser's POV of life on the Enterprise and the crazy crew that travels the stars with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enterprise Mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> I know it is possible that this story does not fit into the new canon changes that are being made in Star Trek: Into Darkness. So, this is my last chance to upload this fic before I go see the movie.
> 
> I really like Keenser and think that as third parties his POV has become the fallback in my rough drafts to many different stories. This is to honor Keenser and say "I seriously hope you make it!".

 

 

Stardate 2258.05  ~  StarFleet Outpost (Delta Vega)

 

     In sheer horror, Keenser had stared at the hole in the side of the smallest storage room’s outer wall.  A hole was putting it mildly. They had been lucky that the roof hadn't collapsed due to the strain of loosing more than 3/4th of the structural integrity from a load bearing wall. Shaking his head and damned his blasted luck, it was all he could do not to scream.

     The wind was howling as it crossed the ice and lashed at the remnants of the wall's paneling. A growing mound of snow was already beginning to pile up within the room.

      Finally, Keenser blinked and shut his mouth with a snap. This was exactly why he positively hated leaving that Carbon–based _moron_ out of his sight.

     Picking his way through debris leading from the door toward the main pressure conduit, Keenser made swift work of waving his tri-corder over newly exposed panel. Luckily, the damage was repairable. They would need to hold off using the storage passage but with any luck after a Vulcan supply run, he would be able to accomplish more of the repaires.

     Several subroutines later, he used a thermal laser tool to re-route power back into the main corridor.  Wading back towards the door, he engaged a tri-series of force fields to keep the neighboring _Drakoulias_ from seeking a temporary den.

     Keenser didn’t know about Humans but his species commonly enjoyed the idea of not being eaten during their sleep cycles. Now, if only he could track down that lunatic and prevent him from damaging the outer walls more than he had already. With a sigh, Keenser began his daily hunt to track down his commanding officer and resident lunatic.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2258.40  ~  StarFleet Outpost (Delta Vega)

 

     Keenser had secretly felt, since his Hatchling status, that something existed beyond the visible stars from his Home world. He had often been criticized for his outlandish ideas and theories. The Universe just didn’t seem to be able to fit into the box his species seemed so insistent that it did.  Schooling had been difficult and more times than not, he had been forced to study separately from his clutch due to several unfortunate incidents. To be truthful, when the Elders had started the diplomatic processes that came with First Contact, he had been overjoyed at the idea of possibly enlisting in Star Fleet. The landing party representatives had praised it to high heavens and made it sound like a virtual _Utopia_ to an intellectual being such as himself. However, he would have never have believed that taking those first steps off planet could have ever led him to the frosty wastes of Delta Vega.

 

     Not that a StarFleet Outpost on such a planet made living there inhospitable. It was just that sub-Arctic temperatures were just not exactly conducible to the station Star Fleet had designed. The expression on his face when he’d first seen the structure must have been utterly priceless and only comparably to the one he had worn the first time he’d discovered High Elder’s porn collection. Obviously engineered by an off-world architect whose concepts of cold climates had not kept Delta Vega in mind. He had been surprised it had handled the weather as well as it had prior to his arrival. After the Fleet shuttle had deposited him with little fan fare, Keenser had discovered immediately that it was going to take hours to get basic operational systems back up to support a normal life form. Let alone non-standard alien. Yet, all in all, beggars could not be choosers.

 

     It was thirty-six Stardates later before Keenser had seen another living soul save for an ill-frequented supply ships from Vulcan that would transport the bare essentials’; which those hadn’t consisted of much as the Vulcans had deemed it illogical to provide him beyond his species basic biological necessities for continued functioning. Bloody green-bloods. It didn’t take much to entertain him, but they could have at least left him with some reading materials.  Plus, most transports merely hovered long enough to off load cargo and update manifests. They rarely bothered to turn on a view screen for Keenser to speak to the pilot. So, when a Vulcan transport had deposited his fellow inmate, Lt. Montgomery Scott, just as unceremoniously as they had Keenser he’d allowed for some excitement to build. Any hopes of a jovial introduction were wasted when the first words out of the lunatic’s mouth had been an ill-deserved critique of the alterations Keenser had made to the sub-structure and life-support systems. The moron seemed to be under the impression that standard Life-Support settings should only cater to the humanoid Life Forms. Thus, began their push-me pull-me dance that would define their relationship as co-inhabitants.

 

     Sometimes, Keenser found that while the mad man did try his patience, he could see their inner similarities and why there were those in Star Fleet who would see the pair’s relocations to Delta Vega as a strategic move to prevent their own court-marshals. Though, Keenser did believe Captain Archer to be an honest man who probably just reached the end of his tether; undoubtedly those who were threatened by the Scotsman’s theories had guided his actions. It was on days where Keenser was just about crawling up the wall due to the sandwich-addicted maniac’s incessant whining about the lack of the human essentials to make sandwiches and the distressing nature of their tedious schedule which was rather mind numbing in its lack of stimulating challenges, that thoughts of their similarities alone saved him from committing homicide.

 

     It had all started on the ill-fated day when said crazy Scotsman had attempted to illegally teleport sandwich ingredients from Vulcan and had nearly demolished off the engineering hanger when falling rocks arrived on the platform instead. Keenser had walked away from the hanger for moment and the thunderous clamor, which rocked the station minutes later, had him scrambling back past the debris in search of the idiot.  A quick glance to the hanger’s ceiling and nearest wall display unit revealed that the sub-Station structure was indeed intact. So, the only way tons of metric rock from Vulcan could travel inside is if there had been another _miscalculation_ in the idiot’s scheme.  Mind you, the idiot had some pretty clever ideas, most of the time.

 

     Keenser was by far one of the smartest of his species yet his situation was as complicated as the Scotsman. Be prepared to face the music if you go up against Starfleet’s disciplinary committee, his commanding officer had once warned Keenser. If he had only had listened.

 

     Yet, at least he had been bloody well smart enough not to try to teleport an Admiral’s dog! No, he had just rewired a shuttle to make a trans-warp docking hatch possible. It had worked, or it would have if that twice-damned Engineering Proctor hadn’t attempted to claim it as his own invention. As it was, the retrofit was deemed to be in violation of 17 Starfleet codes and a danger to all known life forms. But, only because the Proctor had had no idea how to operate the procedure and it had failed stupendously. The man had really deserved it but had sought vengeance against Keenser in an effort avoid his own disciplinary hearing.

 

     Personally, while Keesner had been fuming about the demotion to Delta Vega and the black mark on his record he had been on the other proud that upon meeting the Scotsman they had bonded over the fact that Keenser’s invention would have worked.

 

     Yet, even Keenser had limits to his patience.  Teleporting massive amounts of rocks off of Vulcan when a mere vid comm. to the Vulcan transport would have accomplished more left him reeling! Many hours later, when last of the twisted metal girders had been shifted along with the rocks that Keenser bothered to glare at the snoring Scotsman. It was when the pounding on the outer security door had occurred; Keenser knew instinctively that Change had come. Now the question was if he was prepared for what was to happen next.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2258.42  ~  StarFleet Outpost (Delta Vega)   

 

     When the lights swirled around the bodies of the Scotsman and the blue-eyed youth, Keenser couldn’t help the small chirp that escaped once their images faded. The Old Vulcan turned his face from the transporters to give him a wistful look.

 

     He had explained that while Keenser might not be able to go with them, he would see them again soon. And, when he did, the Old Vulcan would entrust Keenser to help guide the Scotsman in making some very important changes to the Enterprise. Yet, Keenser must understand that they would never be able to disclose why these changes needed to be made or how it was that Keenser knew of these upgrades that the Scotsman had yet to invent himself.

 

     Keenser had upon hearing this news took a moment to contemplated things and then nodded his affirmation.

 

     What Engineer wouldn’t give their right arm to be posted to the Federation’s Flagship or for that matter a ship built like the Enterprise? As the Scotsman had told the Blue-eyed Youth, she was a Beauty and Keenser himself had been as eager as Scotty about the design.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2258.42  ~  Enterprise (Engineering Bay)  

 

     Enterprise spelled danger and excitement with every misadventure it could be assigned. What had surprised Keenser was how they had managed to survive as long as they had.

 

     If anything, the Blue-eyed Youth had turned out to be as crazy as the Scotsman and if Keenser’s gut feeling was accurate, the two men should have been killed at the very least 248 times.

 

     No one in their right mind should have allowed the two to command and engineer a Starfleet vessel. Especially together! The pair is outright dangerous. And, certainly should have their Psych profiles checked regularly.

 

     Upon reflection, that may explain why the Young Vulcan and CMO worried constantly.

 

     Especially when the Blue-eyed Youth scaled the Warp Core without safety gear as if he was a monkey. Or, how the Scotsman would randomly start dismantling a key piece of Engineering without gaining prior approval. Yet, despite being repeatedly chastised, their behaviors were accepted without question because in the end the results always outweighed the risks.

 

     However, what Keenser thought didn’t really matter at the moment as he found his eyes drifting up towards the Warp Core and the delicate balancing act that his Captain was currently performing.

 

     Graceful and nimble, the Youth was the epitome of perfection encased in Human form. While on his Home World, Keenser recognized he was considered a prized specimen of his species; the Blue-eyed Youth could without a doubt be classified by _any_ species as perfection. Heck, Keenser had even overheard a pair of Klingons remarking on the built of the Youth’s frame.

 

     Klingons rarely said anything positive outside of their own kind, especially about a species without forehead ridges.

 

     Yet, here Keenser was, awestruck as to whether or not he should notify the Commander about the scene-unfolding overhead. However, he could see why the Klingons had reason to make such comments. After all, they were a race that took pride in bravery and physical strength.

 

     Just as his hand reached out to press the Comm., he chose instead to just watch and marvel at the Youth’s skills of defying gravity.

 

* * *

 

 

Stardate 2258.48  ~  Enterprise (Systems Bay off Engineering)

 

 

      Keenser was going to kill the Scotsman! The bloody insane idiot had no idea that he had just sabotaged a project Keenser had spent 26 stardates building. Hell, it had been one of the few things he had carried aboard personally from his time spent on Delta Vega.

 

     He had finished completing the prototype this morning and Commander Spock had messaged Keenser’s PADD to confirm the scheduled date for demonstration of projects’ practical application.

 

     It had taken weeks to work around the Commander’s schedule and complete the little tweaks within the source code to ensure the hardware performed to Keenser’s idea of perfection.

 

     Yet, when detour occurred during the afternoon due to a malfunctioning replicator in the CCO’s quarters which called him away from his work station; that was all it took for the bloody moron to screw up what was _suppose_ to help Keesner reestablish his name back in the Admiralties’ good books and hopefully erase that ugly black mark on his personal file!

 

     Pulled Keenser’s hardware to shreds for the Scotsman’s own pet project because as the moron put it “ _If it matter’d that much, Lad’ie, you shouldn’t have left it out to begin with_.”

 

     If the moron had noticed, Keenser had always kept _said_ project out of sight and he’d only left the bloody thing because the idiot had been ignoring the repeated hails to his Comm. unit!

 

     Of course, he would have had it out to be able to make adjustments! But, no, the Scotsman just had to be so self-centered as to assume that only his personal projects mattered. Not Keenser’s. No, who would expect the short little alien to have an intellect as complex that it could rival a Vulcan?!

 

     Relief only came in the shape of the Young Vulcan hours later after getting a tip off by the Captain. The imposing form loomed over Keenser’s work bench as the little alien had been attempting to reconstruct the experiment with the limited resources he had at his disposal.

 

     A PADD slipped across the benches’ surface with a precise and controlled movement, that Keesner had begun to associate with the Young Vulcan. With a brief glance, Keenser recognized what clearly was a supply manifest arriving on a transport vessel scheduled to dock within 48 hrs.

 

     The Commander now had his full attention and turning to face the other alien, he found his eyes rolling upward to acknowledge that the information had been appreciated but was unexpected.

 

     “I had not realized that we were excepting the arrival of a ship,” Keenser chirped.

 

     The Young Vulcan’s eyebrow inched up and a slight but noticeable twitch came over the larger man’s lips. While most Standard species wouldn’t have detected such a minor movement; for one of Keenser’s race, whose faces were unable to make such facial movements, it spoke volumes.

 

     “The Captain felt it necessary to inform me of the alteration to your projects’ projected demonstration date. Upon closer inspection, we felt that adding extra materials to a cargo shipment seemed warranted.” Spock spoke in a low rumble.

 

     Keenser felt as if he would have been glowing in a heated blush had he capillaries located in his facial region.

 

     “Thank you, Commander.” Keenser’s statement was met with a brief nod.

 

     The Young Vulcan straightened and his hands drifted to position behind his back in his trademark stance.

 

     “Think nothing of it. I would have failed as your Commander had I prevented access for you to complete your prototype.  Mr. Scott has been notified about the Captain’s thoughts on the matter. Your theory is sound. I will attend to the schedule change. Please send a message as to your projected completion stardate.”

 

     With that, Keenser was left to watch the retreating back of the Commander with fascination. Perhaps life on the Enterprise wasn’t as horrible after all.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2258.52  ~  Enterprise (Main Mess Hall) 

 

     Females of any species were an utter mystery to Keenser. Be it on a planet or on a spaceship, they had a way to completely baffle even the smartest of their sexual opposites.

 

     Orion’s pheromones did nothing to Keenser’s species because they lacked the sensory glands needed to be present for them to work.

 

     Andorians preferred to interact with species where their telepathic abilities weren’t hindered. Rock-like skin prevented anything but Vulcan melds to enter upon Keenser’s consciousness.

 

     Klingons women were just impossible to deal with due to the physical differences. Their females enjoyed biting and Keesner’s triple rows of pointed teeth tended to creep even the bravest of their women out.

 

     Betazoids were by far the trickiest women to deal with and that was saying something! That whole mid-life crisis thing left Keesner with strong doubts about whether nor not _any_ male can truly understand it until they’ve experienced it for themselves!

 

     Vulcans had naturally become more conservative due to their planet’s demise. Yet, he remembered a time were he had experience a brief flirtation with a Vulcan responsible for Delta Vega’s communications relay to Vulcan’s surface. Nothing improper, just subspace transmissions.  She had been a fascinating woman in her own right but very cerebral.

 

     Romulan women were fierce and emotional. Beautiful too. Yet, it wasn’t easy to find an unattached woman as they were quickly snapped up.

 

     Humans were for the most part impossible, as Keenser’s appearance seemed disagreeable. But on a ship like the Enterprise, it was unlikely he’d be able to find something non-Standard despite how much they traveled.

 

     Or, so Keesner thought.

 

     Yet, upon his meeting the Enterprise CCO, Lt. Nyota Uhura, he had begun to suspect he was going to have to change his evaluations about Human females. 

 

     The Bridge Crew all seemed to dance to her tune and it was obvious that the CMO and the Scotsman were also captured in her web. She remained aloof, yet while still being friendly and outgoing.

 

     He could tell that the ebony woman enjoyed the stimulation of the Young Vulcan’s conversations. After all, she had an intelligence to match. They also held an affinity for Music and Poetry.

 

     The Infant Navigator kept her secretly smiling due to his enthusiasm and on more than one occasion had Keenser been asked to help fix a glitch in the authorization hardware after she’d noticed the poor boy’s lack off access. Begin the Puppy love.

 

     The Pilot/Botanist held her attention by delivering flowers to her quarters each week to help her learn new vocabulary; thus leaving Keenser scrambling to provide parts for the hydration pods. Damn near drove Keenser crazy each time he saw a new acquisition form awaiting on his PADD.

 

     Keenser knew that CMO held a tender for her due to how regularly he updated her meal card. Keenser having been the one to reprogram her personal replicator might have made it a point to complain had not her smile at a newly added food made it worthwhile.

 

     The Scotsman damn near made a fool out of himself and came pretty close to exploding the forward targeting array when he attempted to distill her favorite liquor. That idiot should have known that trying to replicate the base for Klabnian fire tea wasn’t going to be possible. Or at least it wouldn’t be until he gave Keenser the chance to bypass the energy buffer. Moron.

 

     Last of all, there was the Blue-eyed Youth, whose dynamic relationship with the female left Keenser stunned beyond belief. It was apparent that this had become their pattern. Only, the Youth had damn near got himself killed this time during an away mission because someone planet-side had decided the stunning woman would make a perfect sacrifice to some god or whatever. Keenser noted that the CCO had curled up beside the Blue-eyed Youth on his bio-bed insuring she could smack the Captain once he regained consciousness.

 

     All of which left Keenser puzzled with yet again a long standing issue: females were confusing as hell but if they could come in the form of the CCO, they may not be all that bad.

 

* * *

 

Stardate 2258.56  ~  Spacestation Two (Shoreleave) 

 

      The first time Keenser ever physically blushed in his memory to the point where someone outside of his race could tell occurred the during the EPIC shoreleave from hell they had just had. Kirk had made arrangements for the crew of the Enterprise to take leave before they headed out on the next mission. In Kirk's case, Keenser was now the proud bearer of a signed and sealed PADD which granted him full access to the Spacedock's engineering blueprints. Also, the Captain had kindly arranged for him to have a guided escort throughout the Class 2 design to speak with fellow engineers. Big stuff, considering that Keenser's deepest passion ran towards structural engineering. A little thing, but it made it happy to know that Captain Kirk would reward his hard work by providing Keenser with access to engineering facilities to ogle after. 

 

     After having spent the day exploring the vast expance of the Spacestation Two, Keenser had picked up a bottle of the Scotsman's secreted brew to give to Kirk as a thank you. Finding himself outside  of the Captains quarters, he had a moment of hesitation before pressing the doors sensor. He should have Commed first but really it was just him dropping off a thank you gift. No big deal, right?

 

     When the doors did open, a startled Keenser nearly all but dropped the bottle of the Scots homemade hooch. Kirk was naked save for a low slung towel, wet and dripping. Hair in disarray and blue eyes sparkling. A quick grin and a glance down at Keenser's hands, Kirk then settled his hands on the towel drapped around his waist.

 

     "I take it you had fun?" The human teased him.

 

     Keenser was suddenly bashful and unsure as to where would be safe to look. Obviously, he had interrupted his Captain whilst entertaining. A jumble of clicks and warbles escaped out of his mouth as he looked and then glanced away from the Human before him.

 

     Gosh, darn it. Keenser was a male after all. His species did tend to lean towards females for procreation but that didn't make him made out of stone. Kirk was breathtaking in his casual lax mannerisms and sleek equestrian beauty.  A blush was growing and Keenser could feel it as it traveled up over his chest and bloomed across his neck and ears.

 

     "Want to come in and open up that bottle, Keenser? I'd say Scotty needs two taste testers to help him refine the process. What do you say?"

 

     Keenser all but swallowed his tongue as he begun to sputter and choke. Would he be able to survive?

 

     "No sir." Keenser was able to get out if some what unintelilibly. "I have to report back to Engineering now. I just wanted to express my thanks." 

 

     Looking up one last time, his eyes widened when he could make out the form of the XO standing across the way inside the room. Spock was just outside the joined refresher door leading into the Captain's quarters. The Vulcan was scowling and unlike the Human, Keenser's ears could pick up the low territorial growl eminating out of the Vulcan's chest just fine.

   

      Kirk appeared to be completely unaware that he had a predetory male standing behind him as he leaned down to give Keenser what the Human referred to as a noogie.

   

     "Well, just don't forget to make some time to come to Thursday night's Poker Game. We need to change it up now cause I'm pretty sure Checkov is counting cards."

 

     With that, Keenser backpetalled as quickly as he could down the hallway towards the lift. Vulcans sure were scare, sheesh!

     

  

* * *

 

Stardate 2259.04  ~  Enterprise (Keenser's Personal Quarters) 

 

     Keenser looked down at the PADD is disbelief. This couldn’t be right. Yet, the stardate checked out and the transmission sequence looked legit.

 

     10 aborted attempts at contact. Clear as day, for anyone reading the black and white. It hadn’t been due to subspace interference nor had it happened due to the wrong frequency codes.

 

     Keenser’s eyes did a shallow roll as he set aside the PADD.

 

     Clearly his family had chosen to ignore his attempts at contact. He should be use to this by now, yet that wasn’t what was disappointing him. No, it was the fact that he had just received his letter of commendation for the design of his prototype.

 

     Along with it, a private comm. had arrived from the Old Vulcan now Ambassador. They had spoken from time to time, mostly to exchange information about the latest mayhem the Scotsman was instigating. But to also about how to help push the man into a logical direction to succeed at what his brain just hadn’t formulated yet.

 

     It was actually a big honor for him to realize that the Old Vulcan valued Keenser’s aid towards such an important task. The Old Vulcan was, after all, intrusting the little alien with the future timeline in regards to the Scotsman’s inventions.

 

     Only, it had touched Keenser when the Old Vulcan’s had stated that Keenser’ own had delightfully surprised him. Not everyday when a time traveler made it a point to give such a compliment.

 

     He wouldn’t have spoiled anything. He had just wanted to communicate to one of his own kind that someone had valued his intelligence. He had at least hoped a little that his own family would have wished to share that joy with him.

 

     Moments later, the disregarded PADD chirped. In an effort to not allow his disappointed hopes to rise again, he pulled the device close to him and tapped its surface. What greeted him shocked him so completely he couldn’t prevent the rapid series of chirps and whistles that spilled past his lips.

 

     Blinking up at him was a vid clip, most likely edited on the fly by the Infant.

 

     Keenser dragged his digit across the settings. Suddenly, Engineering was filled with what was extremely off-tune singing. It was obviously some botched Human ritual, as the Young Vulcan appeared as perplexed in the clip as Keenser was now watching it.

 

     Only, the thing was, Keenser found himself wishing his facial features could school a grin.

 

     Few individuals, save for the Command Crew of the Enterprise, would have realized that the current stardate was in fact the true date of Keenser’s birth.

 

 

 _En Fin_.


End file.
